~Elegant[Moon & Stars] sCape~ (tennoarashi) wrote,
~Elegant[Moon & Stars] sCape~

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I'm actually writing this!

Taking a cue from this post which I'm still sharing; I answered ouiji_ark's suggestion. Thanks for it, honey. <3 And if you have any ideas for anything to write - anything at all, it doesn't have to be quote-un-quote good, guys - throw it in there. I adore fodder!

I'm going to start with, Have you ever been angry at someone for something but never let them, or anyone else, know you were?

This answer may be surprising; it may not be... Either way - the answer is yes. More importantly, this happens often. As in... very very often. The worst part of this potentially is that one might worry about whether one (read: me) is angry at another often without telling them. I will say this - if my anger has a cause I believe is notable in terms of unfairness, then I will bring it up.

But my anger towards a person is never my true feelings towards a person I have a relationship with. The base emotions of the people I interact with, both positive and negative, are love and a sense of hope. Love for the people I love, and hope for the people I feel are deluded by living and finding strength through selfish means. Never anger. Anger, personally, is never a base of anything. And I hope it will never be.

I wish to be honest about this because my anger does not come from a rational place, often. Many things cause me to react with anger internally; mostly unfairness, disrespect, dishonesty and a lack of awareness. Many of the things that cause me to become angry, though - are not reasons that I, fairly, would bring up.

For example, I often become angry at drivers who are driving, I feel, too slowly on the road. However, I have to consider - Perhaps they aren't as experienced, and are trying their best? Perhaps they have some delicacies in the car that may need more delicate handling? Things like that. That is when empathy comes in; and instead of asking 'What's your problem?!', I believe I should ask 'Is something wrong?'. Because often, something can be.

The thing is, I don't believe most people are good at hiding how they feel. It, oddly enough, leads to one of the things I really appreciate - being able to tell someone is clearly angry, but instead of purely lashing out, that individual is able to conduct themselves with consideration, respect for the other's dignity, and grace. You can tell when someone is angry. And anger is very much a feeling that, if it lets us overwhelm us, can remove rationality and consideration.

In a short term perspective, anger can be a wonderful source of energy. But in the long term, I don't believe that anger is a feeling that brings us much benefit - as motivation in the long term, it will lead to a dehumanization of those we are angry with. We may begin to develop Anti-who-we-are-angry-at feelings, and this is why I value love and altruism as a much more pro-active and beneficial source of motivation. And really, anger only gets us what we want by installing fear into the source of our anger - and if we want a trusting, loving relationship with said person (any person!); fear must have no part of that.

That being said, one does not have to put up with injustice or unfairness. And we have a right to react to that angrily. We have a right to be able to react angrily; and to always have that choice. We have a right to feel honestly and openly. We have a right to, I believe, make the mistake of being openly angry in a way that alleviates our frustration. Really, those that oppress are often being hurt in just a fundamental way as the opressee - however, since the oppressor took action it is their responsibility to right their action.

So... short answer? Yes, I do get angry at people for things. And I very rarely tell them. But I always make sure to recognize that my anger will not help anyone in a beneficial way in the long term; thus I always attempt to sublimate my anger and find where that anger is really coming from - recognize that, heal that part, and move on.

If so, did you worry that your relationship with that person and yourself might be at risk if you didn't voice yourself? What stopped you from telling them how you felt? Do you still talk to that person today?

I've often been berated, by family, that I have little tact or grace when it comes to social time. One of the reasons for this is that I often speak openly, without shame, about sources of pain that may make other people uncomfortable. So, in a family context, I worry - greatly - that if I do voice my anger, it will upset those people. The cause for their anger is not one I agree with, though - I'd rather choose to be honest, and recognize the pricelessness of each human being and get to the heart of the matter than re-enforce a sense of comfort that's predicated on distance from one another.

That question is funny. <3 I've never been worried about a relationship where I haven't voiced something; often the trouble I cause comes from having voiced something! The trouble that comes from not voicing one self though, is important - it communicates that you have a lack of trust in your confidante's ability to 'handle' how you feel. And a lack of trust will always hurt any beneficial relationship.

Like I noted above, what would stop me from telling a person that I was angry with them is that I don't believe (in the long run) that telling a person that you are angry with them helps in any beneficial way. If I felt I was being slighted, or I was offended, I would bring that up with that person with as little to no anger as I could manage.

I do speak with the people that can make me angry, bar one exception. The one thing that will cause me to stop speaking or interacting with a person is when one absolutely disregards the well-being of people they say they care about, they acknowledge they are doing that it and find nothing wrong with that. I don't speak to an old friend anymore because she made it very clear that she did not care about the well-being of kywraith_amnesi, and made no qualms about it. But if a person changes for the better, then I will welcome them back.

One of the worst things you can do in the world is tell someone that their feelings do not matter. This is different from one's feelings being irrelevant to the topic at hand; I am saying that you are disregarding this person's emotional existence. There is no justification for that. There is acceptance of the action, there is forgiveness on both sides, but there is never acceptable justification for wantonly doing that harm.

If not, have you ever wondered about, if you had not told someone how you felt about something? Do you often find yourself less, or more upset/frustrated with others knowing they know how you feel? How do people react when you tell them how you really feel?

Often! Ohohohahaha. <3 Mostly in terms of familial relations. But wondering does not get one far; dreaming, hoping, in and of themselves they accomplish close to nothing. I'd rather accept the reality, realize I am not a horrible person for doing this, heal the wounds, accept the consequences and move on.

Generally, I find that it can be more frustrating when people find out how I feel - not just with anger, but with dissapointment or anything. I wish people generally felt better about themselves, because often people can misinterpret what I've said as being a moral judgement on their being. Sometimes, it is. But that act makes me feel for them, because they've grown up in a world where it's that difficult to feel positively about one's self as a whole. When I am honest and miss even a single step in communicating how I feel, it can crush someone who does not nessecarily have the same communications training I have.

People are generally surprised at first, I find - but also amused? It's along the lines of... I say how I feel in one statement, they become confused slightly, I explain how I arrived at that feeling. Then they understand why I feel that way. I've grown up having a very, very uncommon-in-the-Western-world thought process, so confusing people is second nature. It's helping people of any level of communication to understand is where the real work lies.

At any rate, that was fun. Thank you for the questions, ouiji_ark. <3
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